Authenticity Means Keeping It Real

Authenticity Means Knowing Yourself – So Why Does It Divide Opinion?

Not long ago, I was in a meeting where the word “authentic” was dropped into the conversation. Instantly, a few people grimaced. One person even said:

“I hate that word. It’s just another buzzword. What does it even mean?”

Fair question.

At its core, authenticity is about being real, being genuine. In business, that often translates to building trust – being someone people can relate to and ultimately want to work with. But why does the concept of authenticity seem to split opinion so dramatically?

The Marmite Effect: Why Does Authenticity Trigger People?

Some people embrace authenticity because they understand it. Others push back against it – maybe because they don’t fully grasp it, or because it’s been overused and stripped of meaning. Or perhaps we should just drop the jargon and say what we actually mean. I’d vote for the latter!

The reality is:

• Some people don’t fully understand what being authentic means.
• Authenticity looks different to everyone.
• It’s been turned into a marketing buzzword, making it feel forced.

But here’s the thing – whether in business or life, being true to yourself matters. People can sense when something doesn’t quite ring true. That feeling of “something’s off”? That’s a reaction to a lack of authenticity. It stops connection, erodes trust, and leaves us feeling uncertain about the person in front of us.

Authenticity Starts with Self-Awareness

I was reminded of this at a recent event, where a speaker talked about “showing the whole you” to connect with your audience. They gave examples – a client broadcasting from the shower, their own love of dancing and sharing behind-the-scenes videos.

Nice ideas, but does that really mean being authentic? Or were those just examples of personal quirks, rather than a deeper sense of self-awareness?

The key message was solid: “be yourself to build trust”. But the execution fell flat because it missed a crucial step – self-awareness.

The Missing Link: How Do You Actually “Be Authentic”?

This is where so many discussions around authenticity go wrong. It’s easy to say “be real”, but what does that actually involve?

• WHAT: Be yourself, be authentic.
• WHY: To create connection and trust.
• HOW: Ah. That’s the big one.

The how isn’t about posting quirky videos or sharing your personal life online. The how is about truly understanding yourself:

• What drives you?
• What are your values, and do your actions align with them?
• How do you react to others, and how do they react to you?
• Are you presenting a version of yourself that feels right to you?

Authenticity isn’t about performing who you are. It’s about knowing who you are and showing up in a way that aligns with that. Without self-awareness, you’re just ticking a box labelled “authentic.”

The Danger of Projecting Our Own Version of Authenticity

At that same event, our group debriefed about the talk. The overall feeling? It didn’t quite land. The message was clear, but the execution lacked depth.

And then we did something interesting.

As we discussed, we started giving a fellow business owner advice – but it was advice based on our preferences, not theirs. We were encouraging them to act in ways that felt right for us, not necessarily for them.

That’s where self-awareness really comes in. If you’re clear on who you are, you can confidently say: “That wouldn’t work for me” or “That’s not how I connect best”. Without that awareness, it’s easy to feel pressured into following a path that doesn’t fit.

This is how people end up feeling bullied or overwhelmed by advice. It’s not that others mean harm, but when we lack self-awareness, we become vulnerable to external influences that may not align with who we really are.

So, What’s the Real “How”?

WHAT: Develop Self-Awareness

WHY: To build confidence in yourself and your connections with others.

HOW: Ah. That’s the big one.

For some, self-awareness comes naturally. They instinctively know what feels right and what doesn’t. For others, it takes work. Old strategies may stop working, patterns may need breaking, and self-exploration becomes necessary. This is where real personal development begins.

• Listen to feedback – but filter it through what aligns with you.
• Reflect on your reactions – how do you feel in different interactions?
• Question repeating patterns – are you making choices that don’t feel right just to fit in?
• Work with a mentor or coach – someone who helps you unpack the deeper layers.

Becoming truly self-aware takes commitment. It means facing uncomfortable truths, acknowledging personal blind spots, and being honest with yourself. But it also brings confidence, clarity, and stronger, more genuine connections with others.

Honesty Brings Confidence

I know this from personal experience. There was a time when I lost my sense of self. I tried to please others, fit into spaces that didn’t suit me, and in doing so, I lost clarity on who I really was.

Rebuilding that awareness changed everything.

So if “authenticity” is Marmite, let’s embrace being our own kind of Marmite – but let’s make sure we actually know what that means first.

If this resonates, and you’d like to explore self-awareness further, check out our profiling and 1:1 work. Because the first step to authenticity is knowing yourself.